I think i sorta joined a cult last night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
