FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
