The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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