no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
