I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
