I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dignity is for republicans.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
