The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
