We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
