On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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