you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
