just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
