I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
