I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
