Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
