porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
