Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
