Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
