Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
