one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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