Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
