I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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