Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
