Who wears a wallet chain?!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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