Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Let's paint friendship bongs
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
