i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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