btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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