I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
