I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
