dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
