I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
