On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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