I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
