Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
