i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
