My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
