I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
