Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And then he peed in my hair
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