so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
