If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
