i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
