i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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