in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
