How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
