i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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