im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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