She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
