I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
