yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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