I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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