His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
