Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
