I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
