if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
