I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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